When he was cast in the Broadway show “Mamma Mia!” in his early 20s, Frankie felt like his career hit its peak. He found himself misusing alcohol and other substances – something that would continue for years.

Frankie joins Elizabeth Vargas on “Heart of the Matter” to discuss how the tragic bombing at his sister Ariana Grande’s 2017 concert was the turning point for him to address his substance use, how he has been able to build a healthy support system in his recovery journey and the advice he’d give to anyone who is struggling or who has a loved one struggling with addiction.

Episode transcript

Elizabeth Vargas:

Frankie Grande, welcome to Heart of the Matter.

Frankie Grande:

Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Oh, we’re so excited to have you here. You know, I was so interested in reading about your life and all the things that you’ve actually written and talked about. You said that your addiction was a slow growth. I’m curious what you meant by that.

Frankie Grande:

Well, I would say that I didn’t realize that it was happening until it was too late almost, you know?

Elizabeth Vargas:

Right.

Frankie Grande:

I started out. In high school, I never touched a drink or drug. My first drug was 24 years old.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Wow.

Frankie Grande:

Yeah, so I do think my addiction had kind of been growing, and without me knowing, and without me abusing substances. When I was a young kid, my addiction was achievements. It was positive reinforcement, from teachers, from my mother. You know, I just wanted to show up, and get good grades, and be told, “You did great, Frankie,” and that was where I got my dopamine and serotonin hits when I was very young, and I think I started to understand the power of those two chemicals in my brain from that young age, and then it continued into college, where I was a triple major in college, biology, theater, dance triple major. I got two degrees in four years, made zero friends. Like, I was so focused. So I feel like my addiction was just kind of waiting to rear its head, and you know, they say that you wait for that traumatic moment for it to really go into full steam, and maybe that was coming out at 21 years old, and maybe that’s when it started to be like, “Actually, you need more than just positive achievement in order to satisfy this beast inside of your brain.” But that’s how I kind of see it, as something that was a slow evolution. It wasn’t like I was doing cocaine when I was 11 years old, and then I was just off to the races, you know?

Elizabeth Vargas:

Mm-hmm. Did you start drinking then in your 20s, or was it with pills too?

Frankie Grande:

It started with alcohol, only alcohol, when I was 21, and tiny bits before 21, but really not until I was able to legally drink. It was part of who I was, that I was very scared to break the law, very scared… And part of my achievement-aholic-ness was like “Be a good boy. Don’t do the wrong things,” so I really wasn’t drinking until I was 21 years old, and then once I got permission from the government to be a complete disaster whenever I wanted to be, that’s when it started to take off.

Elizabeth Vargas:

How bad did it get?

Frankie Grande:

Oh my goodness.

Elizabeth Vargas:

In the early days, with alcohol.

Frankie Grande:

In the early days, I would spend a few nights, a few nights a week, like maybe two or three, you know? Where I got to the point of being belligerent in a club, and then I would go home. It wasn’t anything that I got arrested for, or got into bar fights over. It was just I got really drunk. I loved to be partying at a club, and then I called myself Ferocia. That was my drinking name, and then I got home at 3:00 in the morning and passed out. It wasn’t that exciting, in the early days.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Were you drinking… You talked about getting that dopamine hit. Were you drinking to get the hit, or were you also drinking, maybe, to soothe anxiety, depression, that sort of thing, insecurity? You were in show business already, so I mean, that’s a tough business.

Frankie Grande:

Right, so you know, I’m trying to think. When I first moved to New York City, I was immediately employed by Dora the Explorer Live and Dora’s Pirate Adventure, which was really fun. I got to play Boots the Monkey. So I was on tour, and every once in a while, we’d go out to a club in the city, so it wasn’t that crazy. Then I moved to New York and was unemployed for six months, and I think still then, I didn’t feel like I could be a mess, because I wanted to get a job. I wanted to succeed. I think all of the insecurities about being unemployed and all that, when they disappeared and I joined Mamma Mia!, that was when my disease was allowed to be kind of like, “Oh, you’ve kind of achieved everything you’ve wanted to in life. Like, you’re 23 years old, you’re 22, you’re about to turn 23. You’re on Broadway. Like, you got nothing left to grow towards, so maybe you can just sit where you are for a minute and learn how to party.” And I think that’s what happened. I think my brain stopped getting those like bonuses, those grade increases. I started to plateau, and then my brain was like, “More hits, more hits. Where do I get the hits?” And it’s like, “Oh, drinking and clubbing with my new amazing friends, the Broadway community.” We are psychos. We are insane, very, on stage and off, and we party hard. The ensemble of Mamma Mia! was extremely party friendly, so it was just off to the races, and that’s when it started to be like almost every night, once I started joining Mamma Mia! on Broadway.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You said in an interview on SiriusXM, that you were originally prescribed Klonopin for sleep-deprived anxiety.

Frankie Grande:

Yes, dang.

Elizabeth Vargas:

What happened there?

Frankie Grande:

Well, interestingly, I’m now in a phase of my life where I’m working with a sleep psychiatrist in order to try to get off of my last remaining sleeping pills, because it’s the only regulated substance that I’m still on. And ever since COVID, I’ve been experiencing crazy… Actually, ever since getting sober, I’ve been experiencing like insane brain fog, and I didn’t know where that was coming from, and we tried… We looked at Lyme disease. We looked at chronic viral infections. I got my tonsils out. I had been on this crazy journey, and finally someone said to me, “Maybe it’s just your sleeping pills.” And I was like, “Really?” And they were like, “Yeah, it’s kind of a side effect of Lunesta, like that you can be groggy, foggy all day long.” And I was like, “Well, let’s get me off of these,” and I didn’t want to just pull myself off of them. Coming off of Klonopin was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Really? Why is that? I mean, because I think people don’t talk enough about what it’s like to come off a drug like that.

Frankie Grande:

So, I was on a very high dose of Klonopin, like way, way, way too high, for a very long time. Like, I upped my own dosage. I got the highest you were able to prescribe, and then I would take two or three if I was feeling like I couldn’t sleep that night. So that would be, I would say, for… I would say maybe… And this is all doing Lunesta at the same time, so five year… I was definitely on Lunesta for a good 10, and then I think Klonopin, maybe five of those 10.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Wow.

Frankie Grande:

Yeah.

Elizabeth Vargas:

So, sticking with that time in your 20s, you’re a success on Broadway. I mean, you’re living the dream, and yet you’re drinking, and partying, and you’re not able to sleep because you’re anxious, and you start taking Klonopin.

Frankie Grande:

Yep, correct.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Is anybody in your life-

Frankie Grande:

And Lunesta.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And Lunesta, and nobody in your life is saying, “Hey, dude, this is dangerous”?

Frankie Grande:

No, absolutely not. No one.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Wow.

Frankie Grande:

It was-

Elizabeth Vargas:

Not even your doctor?

Frankie Grande:

No, my doctor was like, “This will help. This will help you sleep at night,” you know? But obviously, I didn’t tell my doctor the full story. She didn’t know the extent to which I was abusing drugs and alcohol, so that part was… You know, I’m an alcoholic, so I can be very manipulative, and I can get what I want out of a doctor, so I don’t… She did not know, and then many years later, when I had got sober, and we’re still friends, this doctor and I, and she was like, “I’m really sorry. I did not know.” And I was like, “I know you didn’t. It’s not your fault. I’m really good at what I do. Like, I was getting those pills. If it wasn’t from you, it would be from whoever I needed to get those pills from, because I’m a manipulative alcoholic, and I’m very convincing, so don’t worry about it.” But I do think it was a learning lesson for her, and I think the next time she takes her script pad out, she’ll be like, “Hmm, maybe I should ask some more questions,” you know?

Elizabeth Vargas:

Right.

Frankie Grande:

Because it’s really true. The medical field at large does not understand alcoholics and addicts. Like, now, when I go in for, let’s say lasers on my face, I have to go in and say, “I’m an alcoholic and I’m an addict. If you prescribe something for me for this, can you please not do it. Can I please not be on Vicodin,” or you know, like, “Give me something… Give me a baby pill,” because they’re ready to write the script, and no one asks.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah.

Frankie Grande:

Because I still think it’s taboo, which is so weird, because it’s a medical disease. It is a mental illness. It’s in the book, so why is it taboo in a medical office? It just is so weird to me. It’s so weird. It shouldn’t be taboo anywhere, to be honest. Let’s talk about alcoholism, because we are many on this planet.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Many. So, several years later, you went on to be a contestant on the huge hit show Big Brother, on CBS.

Frankie Grande:

Big Brother. Yes.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And that was in 2014, and you have described that period as the most difficult time in your life. Why was it so hard?

Frankie Grande:

Isolation. I think being removed from friends and family. My family unit is extremely tight. You know, we are Italian, and it is very… You know, the mama’s boy syndrome is real. The grand-mama’s boy syndrome is real. So, I was isolated from my family for four months, where I was not able to know anything about what was going on in the outside world, and the only-

Elizabeth Vargas:

Explain the premise of the show, for people who haven’t seen it.

Frankie Grande:

Basically, you lock 16 people up in a house, and you have to do competitions in order to gain power, and then you use that power in order to be the last one standing at the end of the game inside the house.

Elizabeth Vargas:

So for the entire time you’re shooting the show, you were completely cut off to the outside world?

Frankie Grande:

Yes.

Elizabeth Vargas:

To your family?

Frankie Grande:

Yes.

Elizabeth Vargas:

To everything and any… You don’t know what’s happening in the world at all?

Frankie Grande:

Correct, yes. And the only information that I got from the outside world was that my grandfather had passed away while I was in the house, which was, I mean, like the most traumatic experience of my life, I would say, not being able to be there with my family, not being able to go to the funeral. It was just like, it was crazy. But Grandpa said he wanted me to stay in the house, and he wrote a letter, and I was like, “You know what? I’m going to keep fighting for him, you know? There’s nothing I can do to reverse this horrible tragedy and loss of life, but I can continue to move forward in his name.” So I was extremely strong on the show, with the given circumstances, but I just didn’t realize how broken the show had made me. I think shows like that like to kind of use and abuse you, and then leave you, drop you off, let you go. Like, I know I’m not the only person that turned to drugs and alcohol after their time on a reality TV show, because you know, the networks are only interested in you until they wrap the season, and then they don’t really care what happens to you from that point on. I can tell you that from personal experience. You know, I feel very like I was just kind of thrown away with the wash, and I know other people who have done the same thing, or who have felt the same way.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You said in that radio interview, quote, “On Big Brother, I was sober the whole time, because I had already had a taste of understanding that when I drink, I turn into a different person, so I already knew that was a bad situation. The crazy happened afterwards. I made up for all my time not drinking with all my time drinking after Big Brother, and that was the beginning of the end.” What happened?

Frankie Grande:

Wow, I’m such a good writer and speaker. My god, you’re so lucky to have me on this show today. That was beautiful. Oh my god. What did happen? You know, again, like after you leave a show like Big Brother, you’re inside of… It’s like you’re in a… You’re decompressing. You’re at the bottom of the ocean, and then you come to the surface, and you’re like, “Oh, there’s life, and there’s people.” In Big Brother, the whole premise is that everyone is trying to stab you in the back. Everyone is lying to you the entire time, so your reality of what it means to have meaningful conversations and relationships with people completely changes and you start to second-guess things that normal friends are saying to you, like about nothing, like about just like, “Oh, I got this job,” and I’m like, “Well, did you get that job?” And they’re like, “Why are you asking me that? Why would I lie to you?” And I’m like, “What?” They’re like… You know, it’s very… You think that everyone’s out to get you all the time, which increases your paranoia tremendously, which we know for alcoholics and addicts, paranoia is very dangerous. So, I left that house extremely paranoid about my friends, my family. Like, everyone was out to get me, which was not true, but it lived really powerfully up here, and then there was the social media component to it, which is going from 500,000 followers to over a million followers in the course of a few months, and some of them… And quite a lot of haters as well. Like, tremendous love, but also tremendous hate. So I definitely didn’t have the tools to process any of that.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Was there any way… You were in show business already. You were on Broadway. You know what that’s like, to be in the public eye, but it’s a whole other level when you’re on a reality show, and people are weighing in on social media, and you have said that you were not prepared for the hate and the criticism that you would get after appearing on that show.

Frankie Grande:

Yeah. I don’t think anyone can possibly be. You know, I’ve tried to coach people that were about to go on reality TV, and give them this heads up, and I’ve told many of them like, “Please call me after the show.” I feel like there needs to be a staff person on these shows, that are there to help the mental health of people as they reintegrate into the world, like meetings, or sessions, like therapy sessions, because it was just… Man, it was just not… I had no ability to… no tools, so I’m helping that, you know, if anyone’s listening to me and you’re struggling with that, reach out to me on DMs, and I’ll chat you up about it, because I learned a lot. I learned a lot. And the number one thing I learned is like get sober. Don’t turn to drugs and alcohol, because it’s a never-ending pit. It will never solve the problems that you have leaving a show like that.

Elizabeth Vargas:

But that’s what you did.

Frankie Grande:

Yes, it is. Yes.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You wrote, in People Magazine, a few years later in 2017, when there was a bombing at your sister, Ariana Grande’s, concert in Manchester, England, that that was a real low point for you. You wrote that, “After the tragic events of Manchester, with the senseless loss of life, and the fear that came from knowing my family was unsafe, and that I was completely powerless to protect them, I went to a very dark place. The party life that had once given me so much confidence and comfort had turned into a nightmare where I never felt more alone.”

Frankie Grande:

Yeah. That’s it. That was a very accurate description of it. And it’s true, and I think that that is the interesting thing about alcoholism, is like I had fun in the beginning.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah.

Frankie Grande:

The beginning, I had a-

Elizabeth Vargas:

It works in the beginning.

Frankie Grande:

… great time. I really did. It worked great in the beginning, so I think that when people are just like, “Oh, it was always miserable from the start,” I’m like, “Really? Was it? Because I mean, I don’t… That’s not how I relate to it.” I remember having really wonderful times drinking and drugging, but once it gets to a certain place, where your receptors are so low that it takes more and more and more drugs and alcohol to feel even remotely close to that first hit, you are a mess. I literally was a mess, like a nonfunctioning mess. I had GERD. I couldn’t swallow water, because I had burned my esophagus so badly. I needed vocal surgery on my vocal cords, because I had burned my… seared my cords off with reflux and alcohol, and I was injuring muscles because I didn’t have enough muscle tone. Like, it was just a crazy time in my life. And even through all that, people were like, “Maybe you should calm down a little bit,” but no one was like, “You’re an alcoholic. You need to pull your shit together.”

Elizabeth Vargas:

Why do you think people didn’t confront you on that?

Frankie Grande:

My therapist was the only person who confronted me about it, which is why when I went into the Big Brother house, I said that I kind of knew that I was an alcoholic, because she challenged me to do 90 days sober on my own, and I couldn’t, so I had to hire a sober coach. And at that point, that sober coach introduced me to AA, and I was very resistant, and then not so resistant towards the end of it. I was like, “Oh, I kind of like this. It’s like I’m back at school again. I have homework, and I have a group of people that I see every day, and I’m in class, so I kind of like this.” So I knew, only from my therapist, that I could have had a problem, and that was… And I think also to this day, when I got sober, my friends were like, “We didn’t think you were that bad,” and I was like, “How?” Because I think I just was very good at doing what I did, and if I ever was messy or sloppy, like it is so funny now being sober, seeing how many people are disasters in public, everywhere. It is unbelievable. I was like, “I was never like that,” and then I asked my friends. I was like, “Was I ever like that?” And they were like, “No, we never saw you like that.” And I was like, “It’s true,” because when I got like that, I went home, and then I was alone, and I would continue to party by myself, alone in my apartment, and that’s when things started to get really, really dark, when I stopped leaving the house, because I was afraid that people would see me being a mess, so I just wouldn’t leave, and I would just drink and use alone.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah. I think there’s a misnomer on that, like that people think that alcoholics, they’re doing crazy things in public, and so it’s very obvious that they’re an alcoholic, and they’re not. I mean, you know, countless people I know are true, dyed-in-the-wool, have huge problems with alcohol, or self-identify as alcoholics, and everybody else in their life would say, “Really? I had no idea.”

Frankie Grande:

Yeah.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You-

Frankie Grande:

Right.

Elizabeth Vargas:

… were drinking so much, you’re a singer, you had to have surgery on your vocal cords, the alcohol damaged them, and yet nobody knew that you had a problem.

Frankie Grande:

Correct.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Why did it bother you so much in 2017, that you weren’t there? Because you wrote, “This was the time when my family needed me most, and it was the time when I was the most checked out.” Your sister was really going through something. That was a horrible, horrible bombing. Lots of people were killed.

Frankie Grande:

Horrible thing, yeah, and you know, I was very used to being the person that my family turned to in those times, and then when I wasn’t anymore, when I was the person that they like turned away from, they were like, “There’s no way you can help in this situation,” it was a very big gut check for me, where I was like, “Whoa,” kind of like knocked the air out of me, and that’s when I realized I need help, and that was in that moment is when I asked for people to help me get me to treatment. And right then and there, in our little Manchester recovery room, I was like, “I need help,” and they were like, “Yeah, we know. Okay, we got you.” It was great, but you know, it’s horrible that it took something so tragic in order to wake up my… to open my eyes. But at the same time, I’m so grateful that my eyes were opened in time, because I was headed towards death. Like, it was coming. It was right around the corner, you know? I wasn’t going to survive living the way that I did for much longer. I wasn’t.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I hate taking you back to a painful memory, but what was the worst part of that moment, of that time, when you felt you were unable to be there for Ariana or anybody else?

Frankie Grande:

Well, I mean, that was the worst part, but I would say just not having any other tools but drugs and alcohol, and knowing it. Like, when you come to realize that my only option in the face of such tragedy was to get as fucked up as humanly possible, it’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking. Like, I did not have a choice, and all my friends around me were like, “Yeah, we got you.” I was like, “Please bring drugs.” The bombing happened, and I called my friends, and I was like, “Please, let’s get alcohol and drugs, because I can’t handle this,” and everyone was like, “Yeah, we know.” And I was like, “Fuck. Wow. Huh. I really don’t have any other tools. I have none.”

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah.

Frankie Grande:

So I think just realizing that was, in and of itself, the most frightening and awful part about the whole situation.

Elizabeth Vargas:

How supportive was your family, to you going to rehab and getting clean and sober?

Frankie Grande:

The best, the most. Wonderful.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah?

Frankie Grande:

Yeah, they were incredible. They were incredible.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You’re very lucky.

Frankie Grande:

Oh my god, I’m so lucky. They came over, and they brought donuts, and some of my friends from rehab are still my best friends, and we have bagel parties and things, and it was really very nice. Like, they made rehab a really nice thing. My mom visited all the time. My sister visited. My best friends visited, and it just became something that it didn’t feel like I was in jail or anything. I felt like I was recuperating at a wonderful facility where my friends and family get to come and check up on me. Which was great, because I was there for 45 days, so I was there for a minute.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I was going to ask how long were you there? 45 days? How did you come up with that number?

Frankie Grande:

Yeah. It was a Klonopin detox number that a doctor gave me.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Okay.

Frankie Grande:

They were like, “This, we feel like…” Yeah, it was basically, “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?”

Elizabeth Vargas:

Because you weren’t just coming-

Frankie Grande:

And I was like, “I’ve been doing this-”

Elizabeth Vargas:

… off of alcohol. You were coming off Klonopin, and that makes it a little more delicate, shall we speak.

Frankie Grande:

I was coming off everything. I was coming off painkillers, and muscle relaxers, and Klonopin, and alcohol, and yeah, you name it. I was very nondiscriminatory towards anything, any substances, towards the end of my using, mostly in the pill form though. So I was coming off all sorts of different things. So basically, the doctor looked at me and was like, “We want to do a medical detox, and we can try to do it in three weeks, or we can extend it to six, and if we do it at six, it’ll be much more pleasant for you,” and I was like, “That one.” I was like, “That one. Number two, please. Thank you.” Because I was in no rush to get anywhere at this point. There was nothing… I lost my job. You know, once Manchester happened, the producers on the show that I was on decided this was a good time to cancel the show, and I was like so mad at them, but then looking back, I was like, “Actually, it was the best thing they could have done,” because otherwise, I would have probably gone straight back to work. So I didn’t have anywhere to be, and I was able to take the time to fully detox in a medical facility. And then as I said, I went and convalesced with my mom in her house, and it was still like a long, long road to feeling like a normal person, and I still don’t feel like a normal person, because I’m still dealing with the sleep stuff, so six years, and I’m still dealing with remnants of my using days.

Elizabeth Vargas:

So after you got out of treatment, what does life look for you? How do you stay sober, or how do you stay… What keeps you on the straight and narrow path?

Frankie Grande:

Definitely meetings. My best friends being sober as well is so helpful. You know, I stuck around with some of my rehab friends, and then of course, just had such wonderful support around me 24/7, with my friends and my family, and meetings, and sober people. I’ve basically… I changed my phone number. No one from my using days was allowed to contact me, and I just basically moved forward with new sober friends, or friends from my past who were willing to be sober around me, and it was great. It ended up being… I mean, I can’t thank those people enough for getting me to where I am today. I wouldn’t have made it.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Many people use alcohol or drugs to numb their own feelings of anxiety or depression, or to… They feel like, “I can get through this, or I can do this if I have drugs or alcohol.” How is life different for you now without it? Because for most of your adult life, you were… As a kid, I was the same way. I didn’t start drinking until I was 21. Most of your adult life, you’ve spent with this crutch, that sort of helps smooth the edges.

Frankie Grande:

Smooth the edges. Yes, as we say. Of course.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah, yeah. Until after a while, it’s blunting the edges so much that it’s distorting reality. So what is it like now, to be sober and clean?

Frankie Grande:

You know, it’s so much less stressful. My entire life revolved around drugs and alcohol in the end. It was drugs to wake up. It was spending the entire day thinking about what I was going to do after work, getting through work so I could get to the party, partying until dawn, taking drugs to fall asleep, and rinse and repeat. Like, I was just… The whole day revolved around drinking, drugs, and alcohol, everything. Even when I was sober, I was still thinking about when I was to be fucked up next. It was exhausting. So now, there is so much more freedom in my life, without having to worry about that, without having to think about like, “Where is my next fix coming from?” is so freeing. So that’s a stress that’s completely removed from my life, and then when times get tough, I do call my sponsor. I call my friends. I do attend meetings, and I have a great therapist, so I’ve replaced drugs and alcohol with intelligent, loving, supportive sober people in my life, that I can vent to, because I’ve found that the things that I drank and drugged over, the 12 steps really helped me understand and identify, and so once I was able to understand and identify why I was drinking and drugging, it was much easier for me to look out for them when they would occur, and then make a different choice, and not drink, because I’m like, “Oh, I understand what’s happening right now. That character defect is lighting up like a Christmas tree. I need to make a different choice, which is pick up the phone rather than pick up the drug.” And it works. It’s rewiring your brain. It’s just rewiring your brain to do something different than you’ve been doing for all those years.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I loved what you wrote in People Magazine about this. You wrote, “I finally had the courage to ask for help. I got help, and I am here today because with that help, I discovered that the path to the light was not in drowning my sorrows, but in facing them head on in sobriety. I am here today as an example to all that have gone through a personal hell or are going through it right now, whatever that hell might be for you, that you can become whole again.”

Frankie Grande:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s how I feel. I really do. I feel like I’m whole again, and I’m so grateful that I’m at a place now where I can look at that last piece of the puzzle, which is my sleep, because… My husband actually really helped push me to that too. Like, my husband and my mom were like, “You know, do you want to look at your final pills?” And I wanted to claw their eyes out, like a hawk with talons, like, “Don’t take my final… the last things that I’m holding onto.” But I took a breath, and was like, “Yeah, actually. I think that would be really cool, to be 1,000% sober.” You know, I take my pills as directed from a physician, so it is still very much a part of my sobriety, but I want to know what it feels like to be off of everything. I haven’t been there in 20 years, so it could be fun.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And for people who think that admitting you need help and going to get the help, that it ends your life, how has your career and your life bloomed since getting sober?

Frankie Grande:

Yeah, asking for help was the hardest part, for me anyway. It was very difficult, but once I did, everything started to fall into place. Well, I’m married now, which is crazy. I would never have had the attention span to focus on a single human being the way that I was able to in sobriety, so I owe my marriage to my sobriety. My career completely blossomed, you know? I’m now capable of doing more things than one show, you know? I’m a producer now. We just won the Lucille Lortel Award for Titanique. That was the other day. I was able to-

Elizabeth Vargas:

Congratulations.

Frankie Grande:

… see the movie. Thank you so much. I’m on the board of GLAAD. There’s so many things, and more things that I’m not even able to talk about yet, that are just in the works, but the point is, I’m a reliable hire again, and I think the world is seeing it. Because I think for a long time, it was, “He’s that fun personality that we see on red carpets, and he’s always doing something nuts.” Now I think that my talent is allowed to shine through once again, because I am sober and I’m able to continue to work on my talent and continue to grow, which has been really, really nice, really nice.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Do you ever wish you’d done it sooner?

Frankie Grande:

I mean, I think everything happens for a reason, and I think that if I had pushed the timeline earlier, I don’t think it would have turned out the same way. It would have turned out differently. I don’t know if that would have been a good or a bad thing. So-

Elizabeth Vargas:

It’s like that thing, where somebody comes down and says, “Okay, you can go back 20 years and relive your life. Would you do it?” And you first think, “Yes, I would, because I would fix all the mistakes I made,” and then you think, “Wait, no, I wouldn’t, because the mistakes brought me here, and actually, here is not bad,” you know?

Frankie Grande:

Exactly. Exactly.

Elizabeth Vargas:

So finally, to end, what would you say to anybody out there who is struggling, or has someone they love who is struggling. What would you tell them?

Frankie Grande:

I would say it’s important to understand that this, again, I said it earlier, is a disease. So, be as empathetic as you can be if it’s someone in your life, understanding that they’re struggling with a disease. They’re not trying, they’re not going out of their way to hurt you. It is truly something that’s happening inside of them that, at a certain point, they can’t help anymore. So that’s my, without forgiving people for doing horrible things to other people, because I know it’s very difficult to be around an alcoholic, it is hard to be one as well. So, empathy is really useful I think, when dealing with alcoholics in your life, and knowing that it’s got to be on their terms. That’s the other thing which is so difficult. Like, I often talk to people that are like, “Why can’t I get my alcoholic to understand to change for me?” And it’s like, “No, they’re going to have to change for them, and it’s going to have to be when they’re ready, and it might take a tragedy for them to get there, so don’t enable, don’t shield. Just, it’s so difficult, but let them blaze until they go out, and then maybe they will be able to rise from the ashes, just like I did.” And if you are struggling with alcoholism, there is no shame in asking for help. Help is wonderful. Help is available. As soon as you ask for help, people will come flooding to you, and it will be such a joyous celebration, around this dark time. So don’t be afraid to ask for help. And if there’s no one in your life that’s going to help, there are amazing meetings. There are amazing support groups. There are amazing licensed therapists out there, that are waiting to help you out, so just ask. You’ll find it.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Frankie Grande, so great to talk to you.

Frankie Grande:

Oh, thank you. I’m so glad that we got a chance to do this.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Real pleasure, yeah. Me too, and I wish you only the best, and much success.

Frankie Grande:

Thank you so much. Thank you.