Say This, Not That
Below are some common objections that teens and young adults have raised when it comes to treatment.
Treatment can range from seeing a healthcare provider for an evaluation to going to therapy, to
outpatient programs and rehab. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to keep the conversation going.
When They Say: “I don’t have a problem.”
Not That:
“You’re in denial.”
“You clearly do have a problem.”
Say This:
“I hear that you don’t see it as a problem. I’m worried about a few things I’ve noticed.”
When They Say: “I can quit anytime.”
Not That:
“If that were true, you’d have stopped already.”
Say This:
“I hope you’re right. I’ve noticed it hasn’t been that easy so far.”
When They Say: “Everyone does it.”
Not That:
“I don’t care what everyone else does.”
Say This:
“You’re right—lots of people do. I’m still seeing some changes in you that worry me.”
When They Say: “Treatment is for addicts.”
Not That:
“That’s just an excuse.”
Say This:
“This isn’t about labels. It’s about getting support and tools.”
When They Say: “You’re just trying to control me.”
Not That:
“As long as you live under my roof, I can control you.”
Say This:
“I get why it feels that way. My goal isn’t control—it’s safety and support.”
When They Say: “I’m scared.”
Not That:
“There’s nothing to be scared of.”
Say This:
“Thank you for telling me. A lot of people feel scared about this.”
When They Say: “I don’t want anyone to know.”
Not That:
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”
Say This:
“Privacy matters. Getting help doesn’t mean everyone has to know.”
When They Say: “Treatment won’t help me.”
Not That:
“You haven’t even tried.”
Say This:
“It sounds like you don’t want to be disappointed again.”
When They Say: “Weed/alcohol is the only thing that helps my anxiety.”
Not That:
“That’s just an excuse to keep using.”
Say This:
“I’m glad you’ve found something that helps in the moment. I’m also seeing some downsides.”
When They Say: “Talking about this makes me anxious.”
Not That:
“Well, we need to talk about it anyway.”
Say This:
“That makes sense. We can slow this down.”
When They Say: “They’ll force meds or lock me up.”
Not That:
“That’s ridiculous.”
Say This:
“You’d still have choices. We can start with just an evaluation.”
When They Say: “I can handle this on my own.”
Not That:
“Clearly, you can’t.”
Say This:
“I respect that you want to handle things yourself. Everyone needs help sometimes.”
When They Say: “You can’t make me go.” (especially young adults)
Not That:
“Watch me.”
Say This:
“You’re right—I can’t force you. I’m asking because I care and I’m worried.”
When Parents Need to Set a Boundary
Not That:
“If you don’t go to treatment, you’re ruining this family.”
Say This:
“We can’t support substance use in our home. We want to help you stay safe.”
